the lines of life I could not see
i persisted most carelessly
and consequences that could not be-
build up
acid drops; a cigarette
getting high off cough syrup
and when I felt I could not get up-
go on
end of summer growing near
great example of a bad year
parents rent with repeated fear-
the break
small pink pills devoid of thrills
help me cope when misery mills
and now few thoughts rip and kill-
new hope
things are back to relative normality
life goes on with renewed tenacity
and as the sun supports with fierce alacrity,
i wonder my path, taking this new hope on with me
wow! There is so much here and some of it brutally honest and brilliant. The structure works very well. The rhyming gives this serious subject just enough of a sing songy voice which kind of distracts me from really accepting what you're actually telling us so when you get to the end, it's so much more powerful. The juxtaposition of the lightness that comes with rhyming and the subject matter is heartbreaking. It works.
ReplyDeletei lost my revision and so can't repost this...dunno what I'd change about this anyway i wrote it in like 3 minutes...thanks tho
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